be careful what you wish for...

My husband surprised me the other night (again! LOL)

He asked me if I wanted to hear his fantasy.

We were at a restaurant, nice food, great wine, NO family.

I looked at him but didn't answer and I just knew there was a glint in my eye.

He relayed his 'fantasy'. A pub, another man, a hotel room, me and him watching...orchestrating. His fantasy involved my mouth and the cock of another man.

When I recovered from my OMG moment, I remained speechless! All these years he has been almost insecure about sharing me with a man. He has always been quite excited about the thought of another woman and me (I understand this is quite a common fantasy for a lot of men) but to share me with another man..well he has always been quite opposed.

To top it all off and to illustrate the 'be careful what you wish for' moment, it began to dawn on me that this was no idle fantasy. It was not a scene that would remain in his imagination. It began to dawn on me that he wanted this to actually happen.

Now it remains with me to recover from the shock of his revelation. All these months of  the drip drip drip approach to my journey with him. Now it seems, confronted with the reality of his permission, something I have always thought I wanted, the OMG in me is bringing with it a not insignificant amount of anxiety, albeit with a little excitement at the possibility. Still, a voice inside me is also calling, 'whoa Nellie!'.

Oh yes! Be careful what you wish for thinks the delicious little whore as she  smacks her lips and bites her bottom lip.

limbo

Tonight I am at a stalled state in my journey. Tired and treading water. Afraid and filled with anxiety that this journey will end...in nothing. I consider stepping outside my relationship to calm my frustration.

Satisfaction is minimal at the moment with online pursuits. Time is limited online. I am busy with work life and the seasonal round of holidays...and that means little privacy.

I am a private person, believe it or not, letting most things out from my mind under the guise of anonymity. Sometimes I think this is the only place where I can be me, but then I feel me begin to self censor. Stories, real or imagined, I commit here...though most are real, only a few have been fantastical stories of longing and desire.

Taking delight in reading the thoughts of others it give me a sense of connectedness, a feeling that my secret passions are not so secret and not so unusual. I am also aware of the cruel irony that a lot of you are like me. We exist as half a story, as a Ying to somebody else's Yang. Encouraging and leading the partner we love to act in a way that we need. To embrace ttwd. I live in envy of those of you who have found someone with which to share this.