I have been to see Local D today..damn I needed that. All the stress and fretfulness has fallen away with the laughter and tears.
I was punished for a couple of infractions over the previous two weeks (post to follow). It didn't feel half as bad as the disappointment I caused him and the reason he had decided to punish. I still think he is taking it easy on me. He shows glimpses of things to come but I really believe he thinks the slowly slowly approach is best. I do have a tendency to run and panic if things get a bit overwhelming.
He said we needed to work on my self control. I had induced the big O a couple of times when I was supposed to NOT. It was a surprise to me that he had decided, quite out of the blue, to instruct me not to come. Not to touch myself. Not to wear panties..and did I mention not to touch myself? I was not to come or do any of these things for a week! We have not explored very much outside physical play dates. Truth be told I have kept him at arms length. After our second time in the dark room however, he had decided to reach outside the room into my everyday life.
The first week went almost marvelously, I got to day 6 when I found myself dreaming quite hot and real. I could feel the legs of some unknown woman under my tongue and mouth. I could feel her arse between my teeth. Her nipple brushed my cheek as I put my mouth on hers. HERS! She was apparently a shape shifter and shifted into an anonymous man with razor like whiskers that grazed my soft face. He fucked me hard as I opened wide for him. My cunt pulsing and begging his cock to take me. I was on the edge of cumming when I woke. I tried desperately to get back to sleep. I wanted to cum. Of course it was a futile attempt and as the dream slipped further away my pussy pulsed and ached. My hand traveled to the heat between my thighs, too weak to resist I needed to come. Thinking I'll deal with the consequences tomorrow, cum I did, hard. I slid back into sleep thinking of telling Local D of my infraction but with a smile of satisfaction firmly across my mouth.
I should explain for the record that I have embraced my sexuality in such a way that it is not often long between drinks for me. I cum loud and I cum often and orgasm control is not something with which I have any practical experience.
I reported to Local D the I had failed and told him the circumstances.
'Hmmm. Well I didn't think you would be able to do it. Now you realise there will be consequences. A punishment.'
Yes I realised it.
'To start with you will not cum until the 16th.'
'The 16th! That's over a week away!'
'Yes it is. On the 16th when we meet again, I will decide if you can cum then. There will be other punishments at that time.'
'A week!'
I could feel the panic rising and my world begin to spin. No really, I could. All of a sudden I laid out my life in front of me. This is about the time I am told I think too much. I made the calculations. If he only lets me orgasm once every two weeks, I will only come 26 times a year! I will lose functionality of my come button. I will be wrapped in cobwebs. I will shrivel and die. Yes yes dear reader I am laughing about that now, in fact I have a huge smile across my face just thinking about it. But the screaming panic was growing and I began, quite significantly, to spin out.
I talked to Daddy, Marvellous Mentor and it was clear I wasn't going to get any sympathy there. He displayed the suck it up princess (with love) kind of attitude even going as far as teasing me about not being allowed to come. Eventually I got myself in such a state that I came again, only two days after the first infraction, under very questionable circumstances. I wondered if there was a part of me that wondered what the consequences would be this time? A very big part of me though thought whats the point of this if I can only come 26 time a year!
The consequences were dire. He was disappointed. Very. He withdrew all control.
'Do what you want. You can decide. You can make the decisions. You can come when you like, you can wear panties and choose them.'
I was frankly devastated (the drama queen came out). I felt keenly his rejection. I had disappointed him. The sub girl had struggled with her submission over this issue. I had pushed the boundaries. I had pushed back at him. I had not trusted that he was not going to subdue my sexuality and let me come only 26 times in the year ahead. I had failed in a huge way and put it all at risk. In that moment I realised I wanted his control. I wanted to please him inside and outside the room.
So what did the sub girl do? She refused to follow his instruction again! She told him that she was not going to wear panties and she was not going to come until the 16th! and there wasn't a thing he could do about it! I think she even said 'so there!'
That week the sub girl didn't come and didn't wear panties (the panties thing is not so hard). He took back control but made it clear that there would be two punishments and as an aside, he postponed the 16th and pushed everything further away to the 20th! Grrr. The sub girl learned a lesson though. She learned she wanted to be right where he had her. She learned not to panic and spin because he was going to look after her. She learned too, not to come until she was told to come.
All this and still she had the time to think about the punishment to come on the 20th.
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| Photographer-Helmut Newton |
